Living for the moment….
Time goes by quickly and then there is moments that I just wish that I could pause and stop time only to realize that in that split second I stopped living in that moment. Life takes unexpected turns just when I think I have something figured out, only to wonder what exactly I had in the grasp within my hands.
In a blink, what I seem to think I have, I no longer have or never had to begin with and in that living for the moment….
I’ve learned to Love.
Love unconditionally, no strings attached and expecting nothing in return. Love the difficult moments, the happy moments, the sad moments and in the surreal moments that I wonder if I am truly awake or is it just a dream? Loving when my horse takes an off step, analyzing what to do in moving forward and applying the process to recover. Loving just being in the same space of my horses, bringing security that I’m willing to stand watch, and allowing adrenaline of being awake to subside. Loving when I feel the nostrils breathe into my neck and pausing to just be still in my thoughts to embrace. Loving the smell of sweat after a schooling. Loving the sound of my horses rolling after a bath. Loving hearing the sound of munching on an apple. Loving the endearing nicker that is the most welcoming deep call my ears have ever heard.
I watch a film every moment, a clip by clip of life, almost as if I am in a dream or just wide awake.
Embracing the thought of reality, wondering what exactly that really is? I feel as if I am in a bubble, paused, waiting for the play button. This space, with the sense of uncertainty and security in the same breath, is peace. Peace of having no expectations. Peace of clarity. Peace of understanding. Peace of empathy. Peace of embracing. Peace of acceptance.
Little did I realize what would unfold in the last year of unlocking doors to within of self-love, self-acceptance and self-worth through the eyes of a horse. My mission of what I could do to save a horse of heartache, has turned into what is my place within the dynamics of my herd. Learning to embrace timing, when it is right or when it is wrong and what to do with timing. Little did I understand courage and strength that would carry me when I wanted to run in the midst of chaos. I’ve repeated my mantras to the point this now can calm the anxious heart racing.
My horses have provided a balance beyond what I could have fathomed in allowing me to have my space in learning how to exist.
In time and time again, I thought Acute had to come down to ground out, in all of this, it was her to bring me to home. A year ago, I was constantly moving in my mind of how to improve horses mechanically and emotionally that were belonging to someone else, only to be quiet with a client’s horse and my horses had to pick up my pieces. Now, my horses have me. I find myself outside meditating, being quiet in my thoughts, being still in my heartbeat and allowing a shared moment of tranquility. I feel more than I’ve ever thought I could feel and this has launched a pathway of discovery. The discovery of pain, the discovery of happiness and the discovery to just be still. Discovery of utmost respect. Discovery of touch. Discovery of connecting. Discovery of nothing at all.
I’ve kept a journal, from November 2015, of writing out my thoughts when I feel despair, anger, resentment, frustration and every bit of mayhem to get to serenity. I welcome these thoughts and invite to investigate the needs, wants, should, shouldn’t and what I see in the passing of judgements. I’ve grown, I’ve cried, I’ve laughed, I’ve fallen and I’ve still overcome. I’ve become transparent.
In learning, this is Life, it catches me by the boots, spins me around and I am placed where I belong in the present, now. The now that changes every split second. Self-appreciation in the most purest form to stop seeking love or approval from anyone and be able to give this LOVE from the depths of my heartstrings to complete strangers. To expand past my inner circle to embrace learning from a new human.
This adventure has been revealing and scary, exciting and traumatizing, and through it all to discover strength. Strength to stand. Strength to let go. Strength to Live.
My question to you- what work have you done to discover you?
All the Best in Health to you & your horses,
Lisa @ Bonito Cheval – www.bonitocheval.com